


Cracks in the Circuitry

by SherlockWolf



Series: SherlockWolf's Alternate S13 [6]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe Castiel - Freeform, Episode: s13e22 Exodus, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Established Relationship, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Non-Explicit, POV Castiel, POV Dean Winchester, Post-Episode: s13e22 Exodus, Season/Series 13
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-17
Updated: 2018-05-17
Packaged: 2019-05-08 06:54:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14688810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SherlockWolf/pseuds/SherlockWolf
Summary: Dean saw au!Cas. Castiel deals with the aftermath of what he witnessed in the Apocalypse world. What they would do without the other, they're unsure and afraid of the answer.





	Cracks in the Circuitry

**Author's Note:**

> Here it is! For once I've updated on time. I'm so excited for the finale tomorrow but I also know it's going to be painful af so...cheers to getting through it! .  
> ~  
> As always, thanks for reading, and if there's any grammar/spelling/weirdness let me know!  
> ~  
> I'm now taking commissions! Please visit my profile or contact me at sherlockwolf.tumblr.com

    Cas stumbled around the front of the armored truck looking shaken. His face was twisted, dirty trench coat hanging off one shoulder, hands scrambling at the inside of the truck for a weapon…Then he caught sight of Dean and grinned a Cheshire grin that sent Dean’s insides crawling.

    What the fuck?

    “Ah yes, your angel—in this world.” Ketch explained from _way too close_ to Dean’s ear.

    No sooner had the man spoke that _Cas_ rounded the shack Charlie and Ketch had been trapped in, caught sight of _himself_ , and charged. Dean watched, horrified, from his and Ketch’s position among the bushes as Cas threw himself against the side of the truck and shoved an angel blade to his throat.

    “’M gonna be sick.” Dean whispered, realizing what he was about to watch Cas do.

    He may not have been _his_ Cas, but Dean wasn’t about to watch the light burn out of any Castiel no matter what universe they were in.

    Dean dragged Ketch back to the rendezvous and tried very hard to forget what he’d almost seen.

~

    _We are the same._

Castiel wasn’t going to forget that encounter very easily. Seeing a version of himself that was _that_ broken and abused by Heaven did not sit with him well. This Castiel _was_ the same as him, because they had, assumedly, lived the same life until Michael won the war against Lucifer and began the apocalypse that was ravaging this world. So, they had, assumedly, been the same person. Loyal to Heaven and its causes, hiding any and all affection for Earth, life, animals, humans lest the other angels become suspicious that his loyalties might shift to anything other than The Word Of God.

    So what had happened to this world’s Castiel that had caused him to become so evil?

    Castiel knew the answer to that question, and it awed him ceaselessly.

    How could one man have such a profound effect on the fate of one angel?

    Angels were supposed to be warriors of God and Heaven, distanced from humanity and its corruption. Angels were not supposed to interact with humans, nor enjoy their company, nor switch their loyalties to them, nor fall in love with any of them, much less one in particular.

    Yet, all of these things that Castiel had been told never to do, he had done. And his choice—always a choice—to _align_ himself with humanity had saved him from becoming the very thing he’d witnessed today. Without that choice, or even the opportunity to make it, he would have become the very version of himself that he hated the most: the part that would harm, torture, and kill without thought or hesitation. The part that took orders and never asked why he should or shouldn’t fulfill them. The part that was blind to the beauty of life and love. Killing that part of himself felt rejuvenating.

    Almost as rejuvenating as finally seeing all of his family gathered at home, even if it was for a finite moment.

    Mary, ever the leader, was helping Sam organize people into bedrooms around the bunker. Jack was spending time with some of the younger adult rebels, whom Castiel assumed the Nephilim had made friends with. Despite the stress of the war, all of them were smiling, laughing, and genuinely seemed happy in this safe space. It made Castiel’s heart sing that Jack had found friendship.

    And Dean.

    Castiel wished he could feel the man’s emotions as strongly as he once had. The tiny waves of joy radiating from him as he talked with Charlie would be magnified, and might have infected Castiel. He could use the lift in spirits, after losing Gabriel again. He and Gabriel were not nearly as close as Sam and Dean, but Gabriel had been Castiel’s favourite brother, and there was little hope that he would return. It hurt to lose him.

    Castiel decided to hyper fixate on Dean’s voice to distract him from the well of sadness that choked him. The flow of his words, like silk sheets in the breeze, eased Castiel’s sorrow, and he relaxed against the pillar he was standing on. The angel closed his eyes and let Dean’s voice carry him away.

    Until he heard his name. His eyes snapped open to see Dean smiling and waving him over.

    The angel moved in a daze, his mind reorganizing himself from the meditation he’d slipped into. Dean slid an arm around his waist and drew him close before returning his attention to Charlie. Castiel leaned every ounce of his weight into Dean, enjoying the heat of his body and the vibration of his chest as he spoke. Castiel’s wings spread a few inches to accommodate his weight so Dean wouldn’t feel most of it, and Castiel wished the angel were better so he could wrap Dean in them to protect him and bring him closer as he had a few nights before, when Dean had finally asked him to stay the night.

    Perhaps he could convince Dean to do that again tonight, since they had this fleeting moment before the war ahead of them.

    “I was just telling Charlie how different the angels are over here.” Dean explained to the octopus now wrapped around him.

    “I think it’s really cool, especially since you were…” Charlie began to say, and her eyes flitted to her boots as she trailed off, unsure if she should go on.

    Castiel appreciated that she was trying to show that she wasn’t disturbed by him, even though he had the face of an infamous torturer in her world

    “Thank you. I’m also thankful that I’m not what I was in your world.” Castiel told her, relieving her of having to explain to Dean that which he didn’t want to explain, either.

     “Wait, which was what, exactly?” Dean asked, cluing in to their discomfort and glancing between the two of them worriedly.

    Charlie and Castiel exchanged a glance, then Castiel explained the evil of the Castiel he had killed. Dean’s reaction was subtle, but Castiel could tell he was shaken by the news. He also knew that Dean would put two and two together as he had: without the Winchesters, without _him_ , Castiel would have become a monster.

     The conversation moved to something else after that, with Dean and Charlie talking about nerd things or war strategies. Castiel contributed where he had expertise, but otherwise, he let his attention wander to the rest of the people in the bunker. Some had left to the rooms they’d been assigned, others remained to drink and share stories of better times. Castiel listened to some of these, and was heartbroken to hear how Heaven had laid waste to these beautiful souls. He was particularly fascinated by Bobby’s stories. Castiel had known the man in this world, and had respected him immensely. This other Bobby was equally respectable, but he was harder around the edges. Castiel learned that he’d never had children, and assumed that since he hadn’t become a surrogate father to the Winchesters, he had a hole in his heart left unfilled that rendered him a tougher, less forgiving man. He was still sharp as a tack, a brilliant hunter and now, a brilliant war leader.

    Eventually, Bobby made his way to where Dean, Charlie, and Castiel were standing. He greeted them all, but Castiel immediately noticed the wariness Bobby regarded him with.

    “How’s it goin’ over here? Makin’ new friends, Charlie?” The older man asked.

    “I guess these guys are okay.” Charlie teased, flashing Dean and Castiel a grin.

    “I guess so.” Bobby agreed, then turned a familiar, skeptical eye to Dean and asked, “So what’s the story with you and this angel, anyway? He’s a nasty one back home.”

    “It’s a long one, but, uh…I got sent to Hell a while ago, and Cas saved me to be Michael’s vessel to fight Lucifer, but in the end we found a way to lock both of them in the pit and Cas helped…ever since then, really, he’s been a part of the family. He’s helped Sam and I out a bunch.”

     _And caused just as many problems_. Castiel thought bitterly to himself. Dean was making him sound a lot better than he actually was. It was sort of flattering, but Castiel knew that Dean was doing it intentionally to win over Bobby. They needed him to trust Castiel so that the rest of the rebels would.

    “And you two are…together?” Bobby asked gently, making it clear he wasn’t trying to over step any boundaries.

    Castiel’s heart soared when Dean’s smile widened rather than shied. “Yeah. We, uh, yeah.”

    “You two ought ‘a ham it up a bit. It’ll make it easier for everyone to trust you.” Bobby said, directing his last sentence directly to Castiel, who nodded in agreement.

    He had no qualms with that idea. It would depend on Dean’s comfort zone. They still hadn’t really talked about what they wanted to change, other than Dean saying he wanted things to develop as naturally as possible. They didn’t really have to talk about it, Castiel had discovered, because things really were developing naturally. Easily. The angel attributed it to how intimately they already knew each other. Not much had changed just because they’d finally gotten their shit together. At most, they were touching each other more often than before, allowing themselves to give in to the pull they’d been feeling yet resisting for years.

    “Yeah, we can do that. Right, babe?” Dean agreed unexpectedly easily, tightening his arm around Castiel’s waist a little.

    Castiel’s stomach did a backflip when Dean called him “babe”, and the most he could do was nod back while he tried to get his philological responses under control.

    The arbitrary conversation continued for a while, then Charlie and Bobby excused themselves to get some rest. There was a handful of people left chatting, one of whom was Jack. Sam had gone to clean up and sleep hours ago, and Mary had disappeared with Ketch. Not that Castiel was going to announce that to anyone. Castiel was thinking about ways to comfort the Nephilim when he felt soft lips against his cheek.

    “I’m gonna get everyone to go sleep. Try and figure out what to do with Jack so we can have some alone time, ‘kay?” Dean whispered in his ear.

    Castiel agreed, and they reluctantly let go of each other.

    Jack gave Castiel a small smile when he sat next to him, at the library table. A young woman sat opposite Jack, and Castiel let them carry on their conversation for a few minutes before the woman excused herself with a suspicious glance at Castiel. The angel ignored it, focusing his attention on his nephew.

    “I’m glad to see you have friends.”

    “The more time I spend with humans, the more I enjoy them. I understand why you stay with the Winchesters. Mary is…as _good_ as they are.

    “I don’t think I…agree with my father. He hates the humans, but I don’t. I see the good in them, like you do. I think I’m going to choose them, Castiel. My father may not have deserved all of his punishment, but I can’t…I can’t agree with him.”

    Jack turned his young, doe eyes to Castiel, who gave him a reassuring smile.

    “I’m happy you’ve made up your mind, Jack. Humans are beautiful, and it is a beautiful thing to love them.”

    “It is. They’re fascinating, and welcoming, and…I love them, I think. Not as strongly as you, but enough.” Jack said with finality.

    If his feelings for humanity were enough for him to justify his decisions, then they were enough for Castiel to accept that Lucifer would never get a hold on Jack as he wanted.

    “What will you do?” Castiel asked, remembering Mary’s decision to stay with the rebels, “Will you stay with them, or live here with us?”

    Jack regarded him somberly. “You—Dean, Sam, too—have all helped me. But I found _myself_ in the other world. There, I can be helpful and not risk harming innocent people. I want to stay with them.”

    Castiel wasn’t surprised by his answer. “Okay.”

    Then, Castiel convinced Jack to go down to Dean’s cave, where the youngest of the rebels had gathered to watch movies since they didn’t have them in their world. Jack was happy to watch over the sleeping children.

    With Jack settled, Castiel returned upstairs to find Dean. Dean had managed to shoo everyone to their assigned sleeping area, and was floating around in the kitchen deciding between what kind of snack he wanted and what he was going to feed well over fifty people in the morning.

    Castiel caught Dean’s hand as the man reached into the sink for the sponge to extra-clean a pan. Dean set the pan in the sink instead and turned so that he could pull Castiel into a passionate kiss. They released the stress of the last two days by getting lost in one another for a while.

    When Dean pulled away, he plopped his head against Castiel’s shoulder, fingers still weaving methodically through the angel’s hair. The sensation made Castiel’s knees weak. He wasn’t sure what to do with his arms, so he just kept them around Dean’s waist.

    “I saw him.” Dean sighed, tone heavy with confession.

    Castiel knew immediately who he was talking about. “Okay.”

    “What did he say to you?” Dean asked tensely, like he already knew he wouldn’t like the answer.

    “He was surprised that I aligned myself with humans. I don’t think he recognized me as himself. Michael’s tyranny ravaged his grace, he was—.”

    “You, Cas. He was you. Without me.” Dean cut him off with vigor.  

    So Dean had done some math. Castiel wasn’t sure how he felt about that, but now they both knew what they knew. Without his mission to save the Righteous Man, without choosing Dean over Heaven, without helping Sam shove Lucifer and Michael into the Pit, Castiel would have become… _that_.

    “I’ve realized the same thing. I’ve wondered what my life would have been like without having met you, and if I’d just continue to go along with my orders from Heaven…and now I know. And I’m thankful that _that_ is not my life. I’m thankful for _you_.”

    Dean pulled Castiel into another kiss, this time pressing his forehead against Castiel’s when he pulled away. He closed his eyes, but Castiel didn’t. He could tell Dean was going to tell him something important, and he didn’t want to miss a thing.

    “Don’t ever forget I need you. Whatever happens when we fight Michael, don’t _ever_ forget it, ‘kay? I don’t want you to…get lost, like that one.”

    “We’re going to be okay.” Castiel promised, not liking Dean’s tone of voice in the slightest.

    Dean let out a sigh, nodded to himself a few times, then stepped away. His hand slipped into Castiel’s and he pulled him toward the door.

    “I’ll deal with breakfast in the morning. Let’s go to bed.” He said, turning back to Castiel with a wink.

    The angel allowed himself to be lead to Dean’s room. Dean let go of his hand as Castiel closed the door behind them, then gently pushed Castiel against the door and kissed him. He helped Castiel out of his jackets, but froze when he placed his hands on the knot of the angel’s tie. His hands were shaking.

    “I’m scared, Cas.”

    “I am, too.”

    “I won’t lose you again. You or Sam.”

    “We _will_ be fine.” Castiel insisted, needing to believe it as much as Dean.

    But the man shook his head. “We never are. Not with shit this big.”

    Castiel couldn’t argue with that. But he didn’t want Dean to go into this fight thinking—knowing—someone wasn’t coming back. He needed Dean to have hope, so that he could, so that Sam could. But Castiel didn’t know how to help Dean find it. He understood the danger they were walking into. The risks were high. Michael was and always had been ruthless.

    “Hey, Cas?” Dean asked, suddenly shy, his head dipping to hide his face from the angel, “I know you said after it was all over we’d move some furniture but…could we do that now?”

    “Absolutely.”

    Castiel took charge, guiding Dean and himself out of their clothes and over to the bed. Sure, it was cliché to have sex before the perceived end of the world. There had been a time, years before, when Castiel thought he was going to experience that cliché, only to find himself in a stripper bar. But now that he was here, finally here, he set the pace as slow and languid as he could. Dean deserved to be worshiped with every kiss and caress, so Castiel ensured that he was.

**Author's Note:**

> Also, for those reading the whole series, I know I said Dean saw AU!Cas in a different vessel but like...just ignore that I guess. Maybe the angel Dean saw reminded him of Cas...maybe it was Cas then that vessel got damaged and he switched...explain it however you want. This is what I get for writing ahead ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


End file.
